Q: I was in the lunchroom when I overheard a confidential conversation between my boss and HR director about upcoming lay-offs. I was seated around the corner where they apparently did not see me. Since I overheard it, is it okay for me to ask my boss if my name is on that list?  

A: When you hear a confidential-sounding conversation that you are not supposed to be a part of, immediately clear your throat, push out your chair, start humming, anything to call attention to your presence. Because you did not take that course, here are some options:

• Keep the information to yourself and wait until the list is revealed.
• Keep the information to yourself and go directly to the source. 
• If you do speak to your boss, assure them that you will keep this confidential, whether they share details or not. That means you don’t drop hints around the office or openly talk about the interview you have set up.
• They may ask you why you didn’t make yourself known upon hearing it.

Q: I like a sweet fruity wines, the less expensive brands, not the choice of a wine connoisseur or avid wine drinker. In gatherings with friends or family, there’s always one person who comments about my lack of taste or discernment about wines–further forcing me to try their “real” wine. How can I respond without being rude?

A: The person who singles you out for having a different preference, lacks discernment. The person who imposes their preference on others, lacks taste. Having a friendly discussion on the varietals and the wine-making process is one thing. However, if their point is to brag about their taste or highlight someone’s limited knowledge, that’s rude and tasteless. Depending on the familiarity of the relationship, here are a few responses: 

• Smile, nod, and ignore.
• Charmingly reply, “It’s a good thing there are so many options. Cheers.”
• “It’s what I prefer. Would you like to try some?” (Borderline sassy.)
• “I’m equally disgusted by your wine.” (Firmer in case of extreme pushiness.) 

Q: My house is centrally located, so I often host the get-togethers for my friends. In our group, there are two who never RSVP. And if they show up, they bring an uninvited guest. I’ve tried sending them reminders; if the respond, it’s usually a “Not sure.” How can I get them to reply?

A:   Unfortunately, getting people to RSVP is a common complaint, not only for social occasions, but in business as well. There’s no fool-proof way to make a person respond to an invitation. We can list reasons why some people don’t respond, but in the end, does it really matter? The result is the same.

There are many options on how to handle this, here are a few:

• If you’re fond of these fickle friends, accept their quirky behavior. 
• Have a face-to-face, heart-to-heart talk expressing your frustration. This could shake them up, forcing them to make a promise they probably can’t keep, or they might say something irritating like, “Sorry, it’s just who I am.” 
• If they show up without having responded, turn them away. “Sorry, we weren’t expecting you.” Think this one through; it could put a strain on the relationship or end it. 
• Stop inviting them altogether. 
• You’re house, you’re rules. Are the others in your group similarly annoyed by this? Perhaps taking in their point of view can help you determine what steps to take. 

Friends are hard to come by. If the qualities of the two fickle friends outweigh their lack of RSVP etiquette, consider overlooking it. Count them in and have a good time with those that did show up. 

Wishing for a friend to behave or communicate like we would will only bring frustration. Without contradicting our principles and dignity, accepting how they choose to behave and how they choose to communicate is more realistic and practical. As is setting personal boundaries to maintain our sanity. Sometimes, this requires limiting contact, a little humility and biting our tongue.

The above etiquette tips are general, subject to interpretation and personal perspective.

NY Post: Tacky Wedding Invitation
 https://nypost.com/2024/07/18/lifestyle/woman-in-utter-shock-by-bizarre-wedding-invitation-tackiest-thing-ive-ever-heard/

My Acting Career | Amazon Prime Video: “Collateral Interest”
https://shorturl.at/luuDL (I’m in Ep 4)

Etiquette Blog Post:

“Politics Over Profit-Do your political comments alienate clients?” 
https://rosalindarandall.com/politics-over-profit/

For additional information: https://rosalindarandall.com/etiquette-training/