Going Home for the Holidays, And I’m Bringing My Boo

Note: The terms “honeybunch,” “boo” and “partner” are used to suit all genders. 

For many people, going home for the holidays stirs up fond memories; and for others it stirs up a sour stomach.

This topic may seem inapplicable, old-fashioned, or something you’d ignore. Perhaps. However, family traditions, cultural backgrounds, religious practices, and impressionable children in the house can make this relevant. Additionally, your family’s philosophy may differ from your boo’s family.

Consider this:

  • When you visit, do you stay in your old room?
  • Does the bed accommodate two?
  • Do your parents look forward to having you to themselves?
  • Do they know that you are bringing your honeybunch on this trip?
  • Have they given the extra room to another guest?

Etiquette tip: Before you bring a guest along, it is customary and polite to ask first. #homefortheholidays

Here are a few things to consider before bringing your partner home for the holidays:

  • Have you been dating long? In other words, if it’s a casual no-strings-attached kind of relationship, why invite them? Your parents may fall in love with them and hound you the entire visit for not settling down or reserving a wedding venue.
  • Are you inviting your boo to serve as a buffer? If your family is on the dysfunctional, argumentative, or intrusive side, is it fair or nice to use and expose honeybunch to that?
  • How will you make your honeybunch’s first visit as comfortable and welcoming as possible?

12 things to think about when you bring your boo home for the holidays

  1. Ask your parents to personally invite them. This will help make your boo feel more welcome.
  2. If possible, get together prior to the holiday. If distance is a factor, plan a casual virtual call so everyone can meet.
  3. Discuss sleeping arrangements in advance. Not only with your family, but with your partner as well. If the accommodation doesn’t suit you, pay for a hotel room.
  4. Don’t leave your honeybunch alone immediately after making introductions. If they are the outgoing type, it’s probably okay. Take their lead.
  5. Prepare your partner in advance about any family quirks; we all have someone who requires explaining. Is your family more conservative, not necessarily politically, but how they conduct themselves? Are they pranksters, heavy drinkers, use recreational drugs, teetotalars, huggers, etc.
  6. If you or your partner have dietary restrictions/preferences, let your family know in advance. Go shopping and buy what you need. If there are other circumstances such as recovery or religious practices, share them with the host in advance.
  7. Pets? Allergies? Don’t wait until you get there to see if your pooch will get along with theirs.
  8. Set aside a little time to spend alone together. This is an opportunity to reconnect and privately share any concerns.
  9. Change the subject if good old Uncle Rodrigo begins reminiscing about how “hot” your ex was.
  10. Prepare a statement in advance, so when the inevitable subject of marriage comes up, you can handle it with confidence and tact.
  11. Cider and a warm fire may stir up romantic ideas. Keep it under control. It’s family time.
  12. Do you and your partner enjoying boozing it up or partaking in recreational drugs? How do the hosts feel about it?
  13. Gifts! This can be overwhelming and expensive. Discuss and prepare.

Final thoughts:

Some of these courtesies can apply to staying with friends or other family members. When couples have children, things that used to be acceptable are no longer okay. Communication is essential!

  • Be mindful of your parents’ rules and preferences. There are still families that follow and adhere to cultural restrictions and/or religious principles.
  • If you don’t want to follow the rules, don’t fight them, pay for a hotel room.
  • Be patient if your family doesn’t immediately embrace your honeybunch; they just met them, remember?
  • If you present your relationship as casual, don’t expect your family to invest emotionally.

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