Is Chivalry an Outdated Concept?

What is your take on the modern-day chivalrous gestures? Is it an outdated concept?

To be or not to be chivalrous; that is the question a lot of confused men have.

Here’s the story: Boston Celtics, Jaylen Brown, is facing a fiery reaction on social media because he failed to perform a chivalrous act. His presumed girlfriend, Suzie Micael, who was wearing high heeled shoes, seemingly needed assistance walking across the icy sidewalk.

What is your opinion? Was this mishap or lack of attention a one-time thing? You can read the comments on this incident, and they vary.

I am neither defending or criticizing Mr. Brown, but there could be many reasons for what is being perceived as inattentive. None of which makes him guilty or not guilty.

9 Possible Reasons for Ungentlemanly Behavior:

1. Make a request: Did she make it clear by asking for assistance? Some of you may say, a gentleman (Whomever invited/hosting), should just know, and automatically make things all better. Some people aren’t comfortable extending themselves or being of service. A polite request like, “I need a little help, would you mind if I held onto you?” Or, “I’m a little chilly, is it okay if we turn the heater up?” Politely make the request. Don’t forget to say “thank you.”

2. Unaware: Here’s a generalization for you. Right or wrong, men, not all, but many, don’t think about things like how challenging it is to walk on ice in high heeled shoes.

3. Limelight: Was he more focused on the attention he was receiving, than on his date? Perhaps. But isn’t that the life of a celebrity! Smiling, posing, and being available for the camera and fans is the icing on a celebrity cake. They can make or break a career.

4. Not the right girl: Maybe, she isn’t the right fit for this lifestyle and its demands. Dating a celebrity, when you’re not one, typically means you are in the background. They gotta do what they gotta do. And you need to be okay with that.

5. Not the right man: Maybe she is used to dating men who practice gentlemanly customs. Not all do. You can’t force someone to perform gentlemanly duties whenever you want him to.

Side note on men practicing chivalry on a date: I’ve had many men tell me how confused they are. Some women like or expect them to practice the time-honored traditions like opening the door, bringing flowers, giving up his coat if she is cold, etc. Other times, they’ve been openly scolded or been given attitude by women for doing the very same thing.

6. Self-proclaimed feminist: In private conversations, did she make it clear to him that they are equal; she is an independent woman who doesn’t need help from anyone! In that case, he was respecting her wishes.

7. Unresolved argument: You know how it is, an argument ensues on your way to a party. But, once you arrive, you both put on smiles and pretend everything is okay, except it’s not and it shows in subtle ways.

8. Manners: Not everyone is taught about courtesy, consideration of others, or etiquette; they just weren’t raised that way. And as adults, they’ve gotten by without it. Furthermore, once someone reaches celebrity status, everything is about them. They are surrounded by people who are paid to do things for them or do it just to be near them. Under the circumstances, a person can quickly become detached from basic relationship interactions and the niceties that go with it.

In the video, you do see her trying to latch onto his elbow, and he wasn’t offering it.

No matter the gender, age, or social status, when someone reaches out for assistance, the polite and considerate thing to do is help.

9. I got this: Maybe, just maybe, before getting out of the limo, Ms. Micael said to Mr. Brown, “I got this. I’ll be fine” believing that she was going to be okay, but suddenly realized the ground was icy. Yes, yes, we still have the “elbow reach” which he must have felt. So…

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Dating is fabulous and confusing when you’re getting to know each other. Some dates come with special circumstances like, on-call doctors, celebrities, probation restrictions, or when someone has a child. Before you date any of the aforementioned types, ask yourself if you are prepared to accept the drawbacks of this type of relationship? The perks are easy to accept.

Etiquette Expert/Trainer, Author, Media Source

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