Not that there’s anything wrong with it.
Sologamy (self-marriage): So new, only the Urban Dictionary has a definition. The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time (including yourself).
What is the response to the traditional sealing of the vows when the officiant asks, “Do you, Ron, take “yourself” …until death (or someone better comes along)?
Flippant? Indeed.
Why do people choose to have a self-marriage ceremony?
- I haven’t found my soulmate. = It’s never too late. And, with an attitude of defeat, you probably won’t find one.
- I’m getting older. = And? If you start behaving “old” you can bet very few people will be attracted to that.
- I’ve always dreamed of having a wedding…white dress…my friends and family…gifts… = Wake up; not all dreams come true. Sometimes you’ve got to find new ones.
- I don’t really want the ups and downs of establishing a relationship, so I’m celebrating my singleness. = Possible that you are too into yourself? Or maybe you aren’t patient, flexible, or you’re too much of a control-freak to engage, establish, or develop a relationship? Just sayn’.
- I don’t know if I’ll ever get married; it’s been my dad’s dream to walk his little girl down the aisle. = That might be true. But, your dad, or any supportive and loving dad, would probably be just as happy having a date-night with his little girl. Ask him before you plan your wedding.
- I’m the only that I can really count on, so I’m making a commitment to myself in this public declaration. = Do you really need to tell the world that you can count on yourself? Do you really need a “ceremony” to tell yourself that? Will those in attendance really care?
- Why not? = Best reason of all?
- I want to celebrate my life’s journey thus far. = Go have a “spa day.” Take a trip to Italy. Write a book. Splurge on a new handbag or Armani suit. Share your tips in a blog. Volunteer in a homeless shelter; listen to their life’s journey; that should provide some perspective.
Oh, there’s more:
- Don’t presume that self-marriage is a “women-only” movement; men are marrying themselves too. In 2005, Kevin Nadal, married himself.
- Don’t presume that a self-marriage ceremony is legally recognized. It isn’t .
- Don’t presume that this is that new. It isn’t. In 1993, Linda Baker decided to marry herself at a local bar in Santa Monica, California on her 4oth birthday. (Hmm, I wonder if she’s still happy with herself.)
- Don’t presume that people only marry themselves. One man decided to marry his cell phone in a cozy little Las Vegas chapel.
Whatever your opinion is about self-marriage ceremonies, as an invited guest you have a choice to attend or decline to attend.
- If you decline, please do not state your opinion. Merely, rsvp and wish him/her well.
- If you decide to accept the invitation, keep your jokes and disapproving comments to yourself.
Final thoughts: I say, if in your heart you believe this is the right thing for you, go for it (the wedding planning industry thanks you). Be mindful that not everyone is going to agree. Remember, it’s all about you.
For those against the self-marriage idea, show some compassion and understanding. Obviously, there’s a strong reason for making this somewhat humbling declaration. Perhaps our support is just what they need.
Helping Businesses and Individuals Find Success Through Better Communication and Social Skills
Rosalinda Oropeza Randall, Social Skills and Civility Presenter, Media Source, and author of “Don’t Burp in the Boardroom.”
Presentations are available to support HR policies, sales teams, up and coming managers, millennials & new-hire orientation process, service technicians, professional development events, conferences, college/university students, interns. For more information, please contact me, 650.871.6200.
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