When someone gives you a different version from the original explanation, do you call them out?
Q: You’re in the middle of a conversation, trying to get a straight answer, and all you’re hearing are contradictions or a different version. Do you call them out?
It is frustrating when you catch someone giving you a different rendition, especially if it’s a loved one or a relationship that you thought was based on trust. It is human nature for doubt to creep in and to question why.
Before you continue the conversation, consider these questions:
- What is your relationship with them? If it’s your romantic partner, close friend, family member or coworker with whom you must maintain a relationship, you’ll probably give them the benefit of the doubt. Presume they forgot or mixed it up with another conversation. Without reproach, clarify by asking them, “When we spoke about this last week, I remember hearing…?” “Did that change from the last time we spoke?” You may still not get the real story.
- How important or relevant is the response or information you seek? If it is essential to gather this information, try this: Once they’ve finished their monologue, unwaveringly and calmly say something like, “I’m hearing it differently this time. Why don’t we start from the beginning.”
- Is this their way of avoiding the truth or a strategy to say, none of your business? If you know it’s their go-to strategy, enter the conversation prepared to be taken on a verbal excursion. You can certainly interrupt, “I understand that you have additional input, but for now I only need to know “X”.
- If you pursue questioning, are they open to listening or clarifying? You can try again. I’ve learned that some people just don’t care whether you are satisfied or that they’ve been caught in a lie. Their goal is to make it all go away.
4 Insights on Story Switchers:
- Generally, people who talk over you, avoid your question, make excuses, say they forgot or layer one story on top of another, tend to have an agenda or are telling you a version of the truth.
- Sometimes, they’ll turn the conversation around by accusing you of distrusting or misunderstanding them. When this happens, stop talking. While frustrating, you have all the information you need to know that this conversation is going nowhere. It’s also a glimpse into their character.
- If they know you are a person of integrity, professionalism and self-respect, they see a “free pass” because you won’t confront them.
- And finally, there is a chance that maybe, just maybe they truly forgot or got the subject matter mixed up. Call me a skeptic, but if that was the case, they would be happy to own up and clarify.
Related Post: 4 Challenging Communication Styles
FINAL THOUGHTS:
No matter what their story is this time, you have a choice to remain calm and hold on to your dignity or become confrontational and still not have the facts.
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