Holiday season break-ups; why’d you wait?
Okay, you had a great summer; hanging out at the beach, wine tasting, movies in the park and the end of summer bbq where you met the family.
But now, fall sets in, work schedule got a little more demanding, and trying to fit in a night class, you’re feeling the need for a little space. (First clue: when you feel someone is in the way or it’s a burden to fit them into your schedule.)
It’s nothing personal you tell yourself. Then you try explaining this to your girl/boyfriend; they don’t get it. So, you say “yes” when you really want to say “no”…and one night, you’re sitting on your couch, alone when your phone lights up–it’s a text from him/her, “Be there in 1 hr…bringing pizza :)” You toss the phone on the coffee table, where only moments ago your feet were resting and throw your head back in exasperation. (Second clue)
At that moment it hits you, she/he isn’t “the one”. You don’t look forward to seeing them more than one time per week. You don’t jump for joy when you receive an unexpected message. In fact, you don’t pick up when she/he calls, you make an excuse that you’re working late or have to visit grandma. (RED FLAG; couldn’t be any clearer!)
You want to break up. But how? When? Christmas, New Year’s Eve…all right around the corner. In fact, you have plans and tickets for New Year’s Eve. What do you do?
She’s/He’s nice an’ all, but you’re just not that into her/him.
What are your options if you want to break up during the holidays? Well, if you’re a jerkette/jerk, it’s easy. Send a text saying, “Consider yourself dumped…have a good one.” But, if you are a considerate person who has a little bit of tact and respect for others, you might consider this:
1. Don’t break up during work hours. This is personal matter that can be emotional; take care of personal matter after work hours. Schedule the
date meeting after work or on the weekend.
If your girl/boyfriend has the tendency to get all cray-cray, make it a public place. You might even consider having a friend discreetly standing by as a witness. Sit calmly, let her/him finish their tirade.
2. Don’t walk away while they are still processing what you said, crying, or asking for a little more clarification. It doesn’t have to end ugly.
3. Don’t break up via an email, text, or voice mail. The message is never quite clear; it can be misconstrued and make them more upset or angry. Angry because you didn’t have the respect for the relationship to discuss this face to face. That is a
high school junior high way out.
4. Don’t wait until the day before the holiday, or on the holiday to break up. That’s cruel. That doesn’t give them much time to deal with the news before they have to explain to their family and friends why they’re sitting in a corner moping.
5. Don’t make “avoidance” your game plan. Ignoring a call or text once or twice might be believable, but not for the entire month of December! Avoiding the holiday breakup will encourage a drop-in. She/He will track you down either at work, your parents, your buddy’s place, or when you’re walking into the gym. Now, do you really want to be caught off guard? It also shows lack of character. Besides, you’ll have that guilty pit sitting in your stomach as well as a kink in your neck from the over-the-shoulder scoping you’ll have to do.
Have very specific points as to why you want to break up. Or use the ol’ stand by phrase, “It’s me, not you.” “It’s not fair to you to keep things going on.”
Also, when you get that “I’m done” feeling, don’t ignore it. Talk it over with someone, think about it, and handle it before she/he starts a honeymoon fund.
However, if you’re on the other side of this breakup, it can be very difficult to get over and handle, especially during the holiday period. Going back to being single, especially if you live alone, can be very lonely and it’s likely you miss the company and physical intimacy of your relationship. It’s important that you don’t go straight back into dating and give yourself some time to heal, but if you’re really missing the intimacy and feeling lonely, you could look into the possibility of a sex doll after breakups. Some people swear by these for helping them through the loneliness.
If you are contemplating a holiday break up, please call her/him today and handle your business; adult style.
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Helping Businesses and Individuals Find Success Through Better Communication and Social Skills
Rosalinda Oropeza Randall, Social Skills and Civility Presenter, Media Source, and author of “Don’t Burp in the Boardroom.”
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