Inviting An Ex to Your Wedding

Does an “ex” belong at your wedding?  Well, it isn’t just “your” wedding…and the compromising begins.

Respect, not selfishness or jealousy should guide the planning of the wedding guest list.

From the audience:

wedding day etiquette, ex-boyfriendQ:  My fiancé and I are having a huge argument about this one guest that I want to invite to my wedding. It happens to be my ex-boyfriend whom I’ve remained friends with, and that’s all there is to the relationship. He lives in another state, so our communication is basically texting and on social media. I don’t see why my fiancé has a problem with this. This is my special day and I want all of my friends present. How do I get him to change his mind?  –Shawnette

A:  Dear Shawnette, First of all, you’ll have to lose the “I” and “my” and practice using “we” and “ours“, especially when you talk about the wedding.

Next, ask yourself if you’d like seeing your fiancé’s ex-girlfriend sitting in the front pew as you walk down the aisle.

Have your ex-boyfriend and fiancé met?  The unknown can produce insecurity and even suspicion. If your fiancé is open to it, introduce them, even if only through social media. If he isn’t open to that–then you will really have to think long and hard about whether it’s worth starting off your marriage with you pushing so hard to have an ex-boyfriend present.

Is there some weird or super special history with your ex-boyfriend?  Sharing a lot of your history with someone can feel a little intimidating to the “new guy”. Especially if you shared a “first” anything or everything, you were together for years, engaged, etc. Set your fiancé’s mind at ease, be honest and say something nice and reassuring like, “That’s nothing compared to the memories we will be making together.” Okay, a little mushy. Just be sure that whatever you say, it comes from your heart.

Did your family and friends adore him and were sad about the break-up?  If so, they need to stop it. If your family or friends still go on and on about your ex-boyfriend, or constantly say things like “Remember when you and “Joey” used to…” That is disrespectful to your fiancé!  What would you say if his family did that in front of you about one of his exes? Hmm?

How often do you and your ex-boyfriend communicate, and about what?  Look, it is nice that your break-up was amicable, but if you still share intimate details with your ex, it isn’t respectful to your fiancé.

Ultimately, you must decide what is best for your current relationship. A long-lasting relationship requires talking things out, compromise, and even sacrifice.

I wish you and your fiancé oodles of happy years together without the ex-boyfriend.

Helping Businesses and Individuals Find Success Through Better Communication and Social Skills

having lunch with a CEO, business dining etiquetteRosalinda Oropeza Randall, Social Skills and Civility Presenter, Media Source, and author of “Don’t Burp in the Boardroom.”

Presentations are available to support HR policies, sales teams, up and coming managers, millennials & new-hire orientation process, service technicians, professional development events, conferences, college/university students, interns. For more information, please contact me, 650.871.6200.

©2017 Rosalinda Randall. All Rights Reserved.

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2 Comments

  1. When we got married (25 years ago this month!) my husband invited 3 or 4 of his exgirlfriends. tI thought it a good sign that he had built strong healthy relationships with his ex’s. Only one of them got weird with me, but it didn’t matter because married me, not her! If your fiancé is uncomfortable, figure out how to work it out. Marriage is a compromise, and you both are going to have to learn how to do it, so this is a great issue on which to start.

    • Rosalinda

      Dear Heidi, You are one of the women I tip my hat off to. For many brides, this is not a small dilemma; as you say, it must be worked out before getting married. Trust, consideration for each others feelings, compromise and perhaps a little maturity is needed to resolve many of the dilemmas to come.

      Thank you for sharing your wisdom…which, evidently has worked. Happy anniversary!

      P.S. I’m certain your wisdom continues through . Great stories.

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